Friday, April 8, 2011

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Ah, the sound of erections bedspringing to life across the right blogosphere.

You probably didn't hear them, your iPod ear plugs filling your sweet head with quavery emo vocalizing, and thank God you didn't see them (you have enough flashers riding the subway), but a sexy new vigilante supervixen has appeared on the crazy right, setting off a chain reaction of chubbies. This miss totes a Barbie-pink assault rifle that matches her shoes, but it takes more than lady gun porn to get these guys semi-stiff, and she's got just the trick:

Burning pages from the Koran on video.

Meet Ann Barnhardt, the anti-Islamofascistas's smokin' brunette avenger.

"Raw bacon makes the best Koranic bookmark," she says, the bookmarks directing to her the page from the Koran to read, remove, and burn.

In front of an American flag, of course, because that's the true patriot way.

On her own blog (no link), Barnhardt defiantly proclaims:



...There are a LOT of emails of concern for my safety. Yes, I knew EXACTLY what I was doing going in to this, and I am HONORED to lead you into this battle. But if you REALLY want to help me, here is what you can do. Go out, buy a koran, video yourself burning it and post that on YouTube. Do it NOW. Show the muslims how utterly futile it would be to kill me. I am delighted to lead from the front, but the only way this works is if you wonderful patriots BACK ME UP. One man storming the beach at Normandy would have been meaningless machine gun fodder. But the First Army U.S. and the Second Army U.K. storming the beach constituted a decisively victorious force. Oooh-Rah!



"Oooh-Rah!" is what armchair warriors shout during orgasm, sometimes making themselves heard above the sound of the TV.

Insecure about their masculinity, the right bloggers hail her performance art as a bugle call for men to "man up," as if they weren't around monkeying around on their keyboards themselves. But to them it is always other men who need to "man up," while presumably they patrol the backyard in their commando gear and do pinkie finger pushups at the bar to show those younger guys what a middle-aged fartknocker of freedom is capable of, until the Hooters manager on duty (probably named Dwayne) asks them kindly to leave.

I will leave it to others to draw the connection between such religious incitements and the violence that erupts overseas (as we saw in Afghanistan after the idiot reverend's Koran-burning in Florida), but what concerns me is the intramural catfight faceoff this may trigger.

Because for the last few years Pamela Geller has been the fierce cleavage of Muslim-bashing, exploiting every issue and fearmongering every rumor. Now there's a new brunette high-heeling it on the runway, who also opposes the Islamic center near Ground Zero but has pulled a coup de theatre with this bacon-bookmark stunt. It's like Michele Bachmann commandeering Sarah Palin's parade float.

What will Geller do to retain her crown? Torch a mosque? Wear a bacon necklace on Hannity during Ramadan?

I pray this doesn't escalate into something ugly, like Patty Duke and Susan Hayward going at it in Valley of the Dolls, but showbiz rivalries are dangerous to get in the middle of, which is why I prefer to stand on the sidelines to egg them on.

Source: http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2011/04/boing-boing-boing.html

Rick Santorum Arnold Schwarzenegger Rev. Al Sharpton Than Shwe Aung San Suu Kyi

No comments:

Post a Comment