Bidisha on the people in the media spotlight in the past seven days
Guru tosh
Sathya Sai Baba
The revered Indian guru has died. Imagine a saffron-robed holy man who resembles a con artist pretending to be a holy man. His spirituality came anchored with a nice bottom layer of cash, which he ploughed into social projects. He inspired more than 1,000 ashrams and drew donations from pop stars, actors and other devotes from the highest echelons of the nouveau riche. Like royalty, it was said that he had a healing touch. Like royalty, his myth was cultivated by popular support. Like royalty, he was good at slithering out of trouble. In 1993 four intruders and two of Baba's aides were killed at his home, yet he remained unhurt. It seems Sai Baba had the Midas touch even when he came to his own mortality ? until now.
Don't have nightmares
George Osborne
George Osborne, erotic icon? For a populace starved of modern-day fairytales, it'll have to suffice. BBC presenter Shelagh Fogarty confessed to experiencing sexy dreams about Osborne during a bit of Radio 5 Live banter. Osborne then escalated it like a sad lecher who takes every joking comment seriously. When Fogarty announced that she had a new lunchtime show, he sent her a pervy, egotistical message: "More hours for those dreams you've been having ? And so I'm sure you'll have sweet dreams, and I look forward to being interviewed by you on your lunchtime programme." Osborne is the only man on earth who doesn't realise that a woman saying she has had erotic dreams about him is making fun of him. The comedy resides in the massive gulf between the phrases "erotic dreams" and "George Osborne".
Karma calling
Wayne Rooney
The gods of karma have finally telephoned Wayne Rooney with a wake-up call. Rooney, who uses prostituted women and backstabs his wife when not swearing into TV cameras or running after a plastic ball of air, has been contacted by investigators looking into the News of the World's phone hacking foibles. It's obvious that Rooney likes speaking on his phone, and that's just as well, because look what happens when he logs onto Twitter and gives a wild grope towards the faerie realm of written grammar: "looks like a newspaper have hacked into my phone". Whoever thought 140 characters could actually be too short to say anything meaningful? In Rooney's ham-like hands it's an opportunity to commit 140 crimes against the English language. Rooney's Twitter name is "Wazzaroon08," by the way. Wazzaroons 01 to 07, if you're out there, calm down dears, this isn't about you.
What we've learned
? Heart attacks in the morning do more damage than those later in the day
? 73% of people have avoided social occasions because of bad skin after a lack of sleep
? The refurbished Bolshoi theatre's chandelier is 26ft tall and weighs two tons
? Treponema pallidum, the bacteria that causes syphilis, is corkscrew-shaped when looked at under a microscope
...and what we haven't
? The detail of the superinjunction obtained by banker Sir Fred Goodwin
What they said
"The worst thing anyone's said about my body was ? I am fat covered in cellulite." Reality TV star Kim Kardashian gets lyrical about lipids.
"Girls in THANET ... you are all slags, hoes, brasses and bheads." The text of a Facebook group whose membership included, until recently, the prospective Conservative councillor for Thanet, Payam Tamiz. There's no bhead gonna help you now, Payam.
"I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth." Slogan on a card sold by Paperchase, presumably aimed at the serial killer market
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2011/apr/30/this-week-sai-baba-wayne-rooney
Rev. Al Sharpton Than Shwe Aung San Suu Kyi Yulia Tymoshenko Elizabeth Windsor
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