Make room for ?the Hermanator,? the radio host, motivational speaker, and Horatio Alger success story (the former president and C.E.O. of Godfather?s Pizza) Herman Cain. Rather than toss the I Ching to make decisions, he espouses ?commonsense solutions? to the nation?s endemic problems; he would run the federal government like a proper business, using his C.E.O. mental powers. And what would he ?hermanate? from the Oval Office? Government waste, that?s what. All that government waste lolling around on the divan watching Judge Judy, growing fat and lazy off the tax dollars taken from Americans working hard to put food on their family, to quote the Republican president who Republicans now pretend never happened, George W. Bush. [Tim] Pawlenty told the Conservative Political Action Conference last year that the Republican Party should steal a page out of Mrs. Tiger Woods?s playbook ?and take a nine-iron and smash the window out of big government.? Cain?s deficit-reduction remedy is more radically invasive. Smashing the window with a golf club isn?t going to get the job done?it?s time to put big government on the operating table. Interviewed on Fox News by Juan Williams, Cain said, ?Look, Juan, you know I had cancer surgery. They took out part of my colon and part of my liver. That?s serious surgery. You?re not going to get that kind of surgery in Washington, D.C., until you have a president who?s willing to do what I call horizontal cuts and vertical cuts.? I intend no frivolity at the expense of a cancer survivor, but ?Elect Herman Cain?He?ll Remove Part of America?s Colon? doesn?t strike me as the elevating vision that voters are craving. He might want to tinker with that. But then again, the target audience for Cain?s message likes it gruff. Tell it to me straight, Doc, I can take it! ?The people posting about Cain on Facebook and Twitter are the activists I look to for the pulse of the Tea Party,? a top aide to a Republican governor told senior editor Joshua Green of The Atlantic. And the Hermanator won the first Tea Party straw poll of the primary campaign, held in Phoenix, Arizona, beating out T-Paw...
Since that column went to press, the Hermanator Express has picked up measly momentum, with his fine showing with a turnip patch of Frank Luntz focus groupies, who rolled around and spoke in tongues after seeing Cain's command performance in a debate that most of the major candidates skipped, but still! That was enough for "Racy" Stacy McCain and fellow confederates in the right blogosphere to proclaim a new savior, having forgotten the heartbreaking ague that Fred Thompson left them with after he farted out. He, too, was going to be the plainspoken antidote to liberal-socialist fluff bunnydom--since two-fisted talk is what so many conservatives find preferable to knowledge, experience, and political acumen--and he barely made it past the first round. I've actually seen fantasists in right blogs claim that Herman Cain is Obama's worst nightmare. I don't pretend insight as to what Republican opponent would make Obama break a light, cool sweat but I can assure you that it isn't a retirement-age guy (65 years old) who's never won elected office and speaks entirely in Ronald Reagan McNuggets.
The funniest thing I've seen about Cain in the fever swamps of the right (to paraphrase a WFB-ism) is the paranoid contention that Fox News has been "ignoring" him. As can be seen above, Cain appeared on Bill O'Reilly's show with guest-host Juan Williams and I've seen him being interviewed twice recently by Fox's Neil Cavuto. Herman Cain would be nowhere without Fox News. He's part of their continuing Republican presidential fakeout freak show, along with that absurdist theater the other night w/ Mike Huckabee announcing his non-run, followed by a bizarre postscript in the same broadcast by Donald Trump, who announced today he isn't running either, and, of course, all of those ridiculous spoutings from Sarah Palin on Greta van Susteren's show. Fox News is completely playing the Tea Party faithful for fools, getting them all worked up over nothing. It's the secular version of "The War Against Christmas," strictly for rubes.
Source: http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2011/05/no-he-caint.html
Dennis Kucinich Nelson Mandela Paul Martin John McCain Evo Morales
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