Feets of Fury

Dennis Perrin and Ioz are squaring off over the upcoming Jets-Steelers battlegame galactica--the most titantic clash since last week's megasaurus grudge match, in which Rex Ryan's Toes of Fury sent Bill Belichek's Scowling Hoodie into the fjord mists of playoff elimination.

Dennis Perrin is a Jets man, as am I,* because we foot fetishists must show solidarity. (I am referring of course to Coach Ryan, not Dennis, as a fellow footsie.)

Ioz is a Steelers man, and I think he makes a good case for his team's reputation-bruised QB and points out the flaws of the Jets' matinee idol once he pedals back to pass:



[The Jets] are a smart team, and they play a banging, gritty game, but they'll suffer from a poorly-manned offense and a defense geared toward quarterbacks. Yes, Santonio Holmes is a great reciever (you're welcome), but Sanchez is a mediocre passer--a talent, yes, but a bad decision-maker with accuracy problems, which is why Holmes is always getting props for tapping both toes inside the line before he bounces into the bleachers. Roethlisberger isn't actually a quarterback, meanwhile; he is a football player, or, alternately, a living sasquatch, a distinction with a difference, frustrating though that may be every time an opposing team runs him over with a truck, fits him for lead sneakers, and tosses him in a river without a yellow flag for miles. The Jets' blitz wasn't very effective against him in the regular season, but even if they manage to overwhelm our still-ragged O-line on Sunday, it won't affect his game. The Ravens sacked him thrice on every offensive down, and he still beat them. Brady used to get credit for being the most unflappable QB in the league, but the smart money says it's Big Ben, who is either too big, too strong, too smart, too dumb, or some impossible combination thereof to feel the effects of injury and single-play failure; who can go through a windshield and come to training camp anyway.



Sort of the way Charlie Sheen shows up for work at Two and a Half Men (rimshot).

*At least this week. If the Steelers win, I will be rooting for them in Super Bowl, and not just out of respect for Holly Brubach.

Source: http://www.vanityfair.com/online/wolcott/2011/01/dennis-perrin-and-ioz-are.html

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